You wash your hands like a doctor

I have heard this many times before. I can tell you the exact moment I remember starting to freak out about washing my hands. I remember the beginnings of my OCD. Which to me is funny because I thought it was something you were born with and the start of it is unknown. I remember.

I used to be a normal girl, as normal as I have ever been anyway. I'm sure I washed my hands before I ate and what not. But I wasn't as concerned about things like that as I am now. If you don't have some type of OCD or other quirk you may not understand the full intensity and pain that can come along with it.

I have spent many conversations trying to defend my actions, my tendencies. The truth is I will never stop being judged. People will not overlook the things I do. Maybe they can't just like I can't help but do them. I understand they make no sense to you, they do to me. I understand that they are sometimes pointless but they make me feel better.

You should never point out your flaws because once you do that will be the only thing people see. They will think about it every time they see you. It will be the first thing to come to mind when your name is mentioned in conversation.

Do comments like "you wash your hands like a doctor" bother me? It depends on the day I am having. Generally, no. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes the idea of what people think of me is heavy. Sometimes it worries me, sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it makes me sad. But sometimes it doesn't.