It is easy to lose sight of who we are as people. It is much harder to stay the person you are. I feel this endless struggle more often lately. I wonder if who I try to be is who I am suppose to be. It becomes a confusing semi-battle with myself.
I understand that change is normal and inevitable. But I still have to wonder if it is the right thing. Am I changing because I am maturing? Am I changing because it is what I want? Am I changing because it will make me fit in better in the world around me?
I am thinking about these ideas today. The honest truth is I am different from the societal norm in so many ways. That does not make me better or worse than anyone else. I do not strive to be different, it is just who I am. It's in my blood, my soul, my heart. Or maybe it's a figment of my imagination. Maybe it is because I am terrified of being different than I am now. Honestly, either way, I think I'm okay with it.
Sometimes it seems people mistake my personal choices with something that it is not. I am not passing judgement on anyone else. I am merely doing what feels right to me, for me. Make sense?
Believe me, I realize that I judge people much more than I should. I understand this. I have the mind frame of guilty until proven innocence when it comes to people. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I let wonder get the best of me. Sometimes I let the idea of change affect me. And when I do this, I become sad.
Sadness is a relative feeling. It's an emotion we all have at some point. There are different levels of sad and different types of sad. I'm trying to stop feeling them so much. It's difficult because me and sad have been friends for a long while. But I realize it's time for me to make new friends.
No comments:
Post a Comment